It's been ever so long...

It's been ever so long since last I reported on this earth-shattering situation, but that's frankly because the "war" here has been taken underground. The Danes and the Canucks are obviously so serious and secretive about their strategies and means for obtaining Hans Island for their very own that they're keeping almost all relevant news .... OUT of the news.

But I've finally drug up something useful, and that can end the 13 months of silence...

You have GOT to be kidding me?

Ok, I've only seen this in one news location, and it is a Canadian source, but it sheds an even MORE surreal light on the events of last summer than they already had. I hope the Canadian people are happy about their government's actions in this matter of utmost concern to every Canadian...

At what cost, sabre-rattling?

Canada really, really wants to claim it's ownership of Hans island if it's willing to spend $2,000 on the flag alone, and they have to fly in the rocks needed to erect the monument! I couldn't make this stuff up!

Norway and the Ruskies; Canada winning the Googlebomb battle

One "surly media nerd" (author's term, not mine) reports that Norway and Russia may enter the fray for frozen and frost-bitten Hans Island. If the situation is "right", of course.

Ms. Nerd also contends that the "news media", which apparently in her definition includes this little corner of the web, are merely interested in the event as long as its "hot", and then forget about it. Ha! Some of the more enlightened of us realize that this is the most important and life-shattering story of our times. We simply MUST determine who actual OWNS this little ball of uninhabitable rock! We didn't give up in September as she claims (which is easy to think happened, since there's really been NO NEWS TO REPORT ... hell, why else would I be commenting on her article?)

Finally, "surly"-don't-call-me-Shirley takes a few swings at the Google ads that some more-frenetic followers of the situation have taken out to let the world know just how right they are and why everyone should believe them (She claims Canada or Canadian sympathizers are winning that battle). I believe "surly" thinks this takes away from the real problem, and that's it's pretty serious. We at As the Arctic turns think Shirley's overestimating the amount of actual readership those little plain-text ads get...

Check out the actual article ... see link at the top of this blog entry. Maybe I'll invite Ms. Nerd to comment so as not to seem "biased" :-)

Movement on the permafrost front!

In a civilized ceremony, The Copenhagen Post, Reuters and CTV report today that Canadian Foreign Minister and top "get off of our rock" dude Pierre Pettigrew and Danish Foreign Minister and chief "we were there first" activist Per Stig Møller met today, September 19, 2005, International Talk Like a Pirate Day, and agreed to a process by which they can solve this problem through peaceful means.

So, in essence, they solved nothing.

In a bizarre twist, Canada.com reports that the dispute was resolved... or at least it's headlined that way. No spin there...

They decided to meet in a SafePlace for them both ... so they picked the UN. I suppose someone was already sitting at the customs desk on the island (See 8/26 posting on the table). Even so, each did their thing in stellar fashion, accomplishing nothing in the end except to agree to meet again, and not send any more navy personnel to capture the other's flag, as regular readers of this blog know to be oh too familiar a story.

Our (on) crack reporters were somehow able to transcribe the following from the meeting:

Pettigrew: Arrrr, ye scurvy Danish scummer, yer can't have our island!

Møller: Ay, we will have her! We've been around longer'n yer dainty li'l country's been on me pirate map!

It's reported that, from that point on, there was some light swordplay, cursing and swearing, grog dispensing and drinking, more rather "impaired" swordplay, more grog, the introduction of a few wenches, some private jokes around the table ... and then the transcript is strangely void of conversation. About 45 minutes later, transcription picks up with both appearing much more jovial (and frankly glowing a little younger methinks), and announcing they they, er, had decided to play nice and meet again, probably here at the U.N. since the, er, hosts were so nice and all...

A line in the Permafrost

Now, I just know that I can't be the first one to think this up, but as far as Hans Island, our favorite frozen tundra, weathered wasteland and freaky Faulkland is concerned, there's just too much natural goodness and public benefit not to fight over it, right!

Right?

That's at least what Canada and Denmark think, of course. But let's think about it ... what big difference would it make if we took some all-purpose chalk, started at, oh, one end, and (gasp!) drew a line to .... how 'bout the OTHER end? Then ... wait for it ... the side with the Canadian flag and whiskey on it would be Canada's, and the other side would be Denmark's?

oh, Oh, OH ... and what if ... WHAT IF ... we painted the lines with that super cool reflective permanent yellow paint that we use on our highways? Then, EVERYONE WOULD KNOW which side of the ROCK they were visiting.

You could put a desk at the centerpoint of the line. That would be customs.

It's genius.

I guess, then, it'll never happen.

Le Oops...

Is it just me, or does this little item appear suspiciously similar to our ROCK?

The Swiss are coming! With what army?

You can't sink MY Battleships!

Diplomacy is overrated.

That's the message that the Canadian military is sending to Denmark as regards Hans Island. And why shouldn't they? They have more landmass. Neener neener...

It wasn't a week or so ago that the Danish ambassador said they would leave the ownership of Hans to civilized political processes. So, naturally, today Canada has responded with a military show of power. They're sending enough battleships toward Hans that they might cover the same amount of landmass as the island itself.

And according to my source, the Russians and Norway might get into this brew-ha-ha, assuming it lasts a lot of years and global warming accelerates.

Will the sanity never end??