As the Arctic turns

It's been ever so long...

2007-01-15T19:43:00.000-08:00

It's been ever so long since last I reported on this earth-shattering situation, but that's frankly because the "war" here has been taken underground. The Danes and the Canucks are obviously so serious and secretive about their strategies and means for obtaining Hans Island for their very own that they're keeping almost all relevant news .... OUT of the news.

But I've finally drug up something useful, and that can end the 13 months of silence...

You have GOT to be kidding me?

2005-11-10T20:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've only seen this in one news location, and it is a Canadian source, but it sheds an even MORE surreal light on the events of last summer than they already had. I hope the Canadian people are happy about their government's actions in this matter of utmost concern to every Canadian...

At what cost, sabre-rattling?

2005-10-31T20:47:00.000-08:00

Canada really, really wants to claim it's ownership of Hans island if it's willing to spend $2,000 on the flag alone, and they have to fly in the rocks needed to erect the monument! I couldn't make this stuff up!

Norway and the Ruskies; Canada winning the Googlebomb battle

2005-10-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

One "surly media nerd" (author's term, not mine) reports that Norway and Russia may enter the fray for frozen and frost-bitten Hans Island. If the situation is "right", of course.

Ms. Nerd also contends that the "news media", which apparently in her definition includes this little corner of the web, are merely interested in the event as long as its "hot", and then forget about it. Ha! Some of the more enlightened of us realize that this is the most important and life-shattering story of our times. We simply MUST determine who actual OWNS this little ball of uninhabitable rock! We didn't give up in September as she claims (which is easy to think happened, since there's really been NO NEWS TO REPORT ... hell, why else would I be commenting on her article?)

Finally, "surly"-don't-call-me-Shirley takes a few swings at the Google ads that some more-frenetic followers of the situation have taken out to let the world know just how right they are and why everyone should believe them (She claims Canada or Canadian sympathizers are winning that battle). I believe "surly" thinks this takes away from the real problem, and that's it's pretty serious. We at As the Arctic turns think Shirley's overestimating the amount of actual readership those little plain-text ads get...

Check out the actual article ... see link at the top of this blog entry. Maybe I'll invite Ms. Nerd to comment so as not to seem "biased" :-)

Movement on the permafrost front!

2005-09-19T10:46:00.000-07:00

In a civilized ceremony, The Copenhagen Post, Reuters and CTV report today that Canadian Foreign Minister and top "get off of our rock" dude Pierre Pettigrew and Danish Foreign Minister and chief "we were there first" activist Per Stig Møller met today, September 19, 2005, International Talk Like a Pirate Day, and agreed to a process by which they can solve this problem through peaceful means.

So, in essence, they solved nothing.

In a bizarre twist, Canada.com reports that the dispute was resolved... or at least it's headlined that way. No spin there...

They decided to meet in a SafePlace for them both ... so they picked the UN. I suppose someone was already sitting at the customs desk on the island (See 8/26 posting on the table). Even so, each did their thing in stellar fashion, accomplishing nothing in the end except to agree to meet again, and not send any more navy personnel to capture the other's flag, as regular readers of this blog know to be oh too familiar a story.

Our (on) crack reporters were somehow able to transcribe the following from the meeting:

Pettigrew: Arrrr, ye scurvy Danish scummer, yer can't have our island!

Møller: Ay, we will have her! We've been around longer'n yer dainty li'l country's been on me pirate map!

It's reported that, from that point on, there was some light swordplay, cursing and swearing, grog dispensing and drinking, more rather "impaired" swordplay, more grog, the introduction of a few wenches, some private jokes around the table ... and then the transcript is strangely void of conversation. About 45 minutes later, transcription picks up with both appearing much more jovial (and frankly glowing a little younger methinks), and announcing they they, er, had decided to play nice and meet again, probably here at the U.N. since the, er, hosts were so nice and all...

A line in the Permafrost

2005-08-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

Now, I just know that I can't be the first one to think this up, but as far as Hans Island, our favorite frozen tundra, weathered wasteland and freaky Faulkland is concerned, there's just too much natural goodness and public benefit not to fight over it, right!

Right?

That's at least what Canada and Denmark think, of course. But let's think about it ... what big difference would it make if we took some all-purpose chalk, started at, oh, one end, and (gasp!) drew a line to .... how 'bout the OTHER end? Then ... wait for it ... the side with the Canadian flag and whiskey on it would be Canada's, and the other side would be Denmark's?

oh, Oh, OH ... and what if ... WHAT IF ... we painted the lines with that super cool reflective permanent yellow paint that we use on our highways? Then, EVERYONE WOULD KNOW which side of the ROCK they were visiting.

You could put a desk at the centerpoint of the line. That would be customs.

It's genius.

I guess, then, it'll never happen.

Le Oops...

2005-08-25T20:23:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or does this little item appear suspiciously similar to our ROCK?

The Swiss are coming! With what army?

You can't sink MY Battleships!

2005-08-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Diplomacy is overrated.

That's the message that the Canadian military is sending to Denmark as regards Hans Island. And why shouldn't they? They have more landmass. Neener neener...

It wasn't a week or so ago that the Danish ambassador said they would leave the ownership of Hans to civilized political processes. So, naturally, today Canada has responded with a military show of power. They're sending enough battleships toward Hans that they might cover the same amount of landmass as the island itself.

And according to my source, the Russians and Norway might get into this brew-ha-ha, assuming it lasts a lot of years and global warming accelerates.

Will the sanity never end??

2005-08-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

Rather amazingly to this writer, there is an actual Wikipedia entry on Hans Island... and it's actually got a lot of information in it!

I'm now aware that there is Radio Free Hans Island, and the Hans Island Liberation Front apparently has formed to free the 2 known inhabitants, Hans and Hans.

Check it out!

Chinese get a piece of the ROCK (story)

2005-08-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

The Chinese are right on top of this Hans Island international "relations" tryst... (all puns intended)

Xinhua reports (and I mention this completely without permission) that Denmark, Greenland and Canada have announced that they will work together to solve the ownership issue over the most famous ROCK of the 21st (and subsequent) ... week of the year. Well isn't that just downright civil of all of them!

Of course, it probably just me, but it seems a little hypocritical since they sent the "Tuluigaq" Danish patrol ship to the island last week to, proverbially, pee on the island and raise the Danish flag. Oh, but they're being civil about it... they're going to LEAVE the Canadian flag where it stands.

Gag me with a reindeer...

Uusaqaaq Qujaukits: Keep your mittens off our Hans!

2005-08-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hans island - you know, that ROCK at the center of an international conflagration that's headed deperately toward being a modern-day Grenada - is now being noticed by a Greenland-ish (Danish? Muffin?) native community, and they need to have their say!

In Qaanaaq (that's an "area", or community) in Northwestern Greenland, Uusaqaaq Qujaukits (say that 5 - not only 3 - times real fast!) says that ... wait, sorry, can we just have a little giggle here over his name?! Send me your particular pronounciations of this name!

Ok ... bubba Uusaqaaq points out that, you know, them thar Kanadians din't e'er leet 'em hunt no Pol' Barrs neer Ellesmere Isle, an' now them warnt Hans two?! It's outrageous ... but, if you read closely he also points out that, well, they never really EVEN GO TO HANS ISLAND since it's too damn hard to get to! But don't repress us nonetheless!!

Le sheesh.

Denmark: Don't hit me!

2005-08-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

Hans Island is REALLY starting to get the world attention that it deserves! I know, just as well as you do, that Denmark and Canada are "titans of impulsive aggression" (see, even the Brits know this). We can't leave these two alone in the same room with a single set of Legos. They're such world-wide bullies.

So it's with great surprise that I read today about the Danish ambassador to Canada's demurring on the subject, and suggesting we leave this to a matter of "law". What's up with that? I wanted to see a fleet of Viking ships headed for Nova Scotia! Hagar lives!! They didn't back down on Greenland - how can they possibly back down now?!

I'm so dissillusioned.

The Danish are coming!

2005-07-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

Denmark, in a show of wisdom and true belief in the the purity of its claim, have decided to send their own committee to Hans island, plant the country's flag, and once and for all claim it as their own.

I have a new-found respect for the Danes...

Rock? Fire Hydrant? Rock? Fire Hy...

2005-07-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

Le DurnMoose brings to our attention the fact that Canada and Denmark have their collective hackles (now there's a mental image for you) up over the rock you see here. Each says that it's THEIR 1 square km rock. Damnit!

You see, said rock is located somewhere north of .... wait for it ... friggin' Greenland! I believe the term that I read in one article was "uninhabitable". Nothing lives there. Take a close look ... there's permanent ice on the "coast"!

Yup, that's the destination I want to claim.

It seems that this dispute has been raging for a few decades. But the one time they all sat down to decide, it seems that this little rock couldn't be decided upon between the countries, so they said "Ahh, we'll decide later." THAT, my reader, was a move of sheer sanity.

So, then, it must of course be undone. We haven't more important matters to attend to.

Bullpucky to the theory that there might be mineral rights below the coast. It's a damn fine rock on it's own! Read that article I mentioned above and you'll hear an esteemed scientist in some-field-er-another eloquently point out that the countries going to the rock and placing their flags there and declaring it theirs is IMPORTANT! After all, I think he equates this to a dog marking it's territory.

So ... le-see ... I'm a dog (Magic comes to mind - he's certainly the intellectual peer of the Canadian Defense Minister in this regard) ... I can claim a big arse rock that's too cold for me to sit/lie/roll-over/lick-meself on, or I can claim the fire hydrant. Hmm....

Magic's no idiot ... it's hydrant time!